Monday, February 7, 2011

distractions

i can't study.

it's a combination of anxiety and excitement. nothing about my boards, but still about my future. this year, my life could make an unexpected turn. it is terrifying to go out of your comfort zone and surrender to the unknown. this is probably the most frightened i've been in my life. more terrifying than jumping from a cliff into the sea, which i've done. i think it will be similar to that. the apprehension, the indecision, and finally, the conviction to go ahead and leap...and splash into the water...submerged for a while, but eventually surfacing and catching your breath. and after, you feel this exhilaration, relief, and pride that you were able to overcome your fear. at least i hope that's how it'll feel when i settle in and get my bearings.

and through it all, only one thing tilts the balance...that i love him, and he is worth the fall. help me take a deep breath and brace myself for the jump...

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